Gold and Graphite by Jill Atogwe
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  • On My Mind

Magic

Posted on March 27, 2011 March 27, 2011

You touch my heart, every part. 

By Jill
0

Jill Atogwe

I am an artist, a stylist and a writer that just happens to love cooking and interior decorating!

Missing the Mark
San. Fran. Cisco

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1 Comment

  • ~nicole~ 8 years ago — Reply

    these photos are dreamy! you are such a beautiful person, inside and out! xoxo

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  • Does anyone else’s child do that super fun thing during family photos where they try out a new personality and see just how far they can take it while still earning single chocolate chips throughout the photo session? 🙃 ⠀ ⠀ While I cant make these family photo moments any less chaotic and I can’t promise your youngest will smile even once, I can make your face look like Oshiolema’s in that second photo while choosing everyone’s outfit. I updated last years ‘family photo outfit ideas’ post with some fresh links so if you haven’t planned out what your crew is doing this year, go take a look! ⠀ ⠀ These are from last year when I learned that the less posing and “say cheese!” the better. We just talk and laugh and hope there be one where everyone 1. has their eyes open 2. looks somewhat joyful 🙏🏽
  • Yesterday was pregnancy and infant loss Remembrance Day. A group no one really wants to be in.⠀ ⠀ These two raced down the hall after our appointment. I had to leave the room and let O finish up with the technician because I couldn’t stand there anymore. That room filled with all the happy couples, pointing out features on their ultrasound photo strip, rubbing their bellies. Beaming. ⠀ ⠀ I buried my face in my hands because for some reason that felt less offensive and embarrassing than the tears. I walked that way, through an entire wing of beaming round-bellied women, to catch up with these two. The big brother. The big sister. ⠀ ⠀ The hardest part was not being able to tell them. Not being able to explain why mommy was sleeping so much or why mommy kept crying. The hardest part was the not knowing. The battle between “this is just an easy pregnancy” and “why did I suddenly stop feeling pregnant?” ⠀ ⠀ The hardest part was the long silence as the cold goo smeared across my 9 week belly. Smearing and searching until we all knew. The hardest part was the waiting for every day to be the day. Nearly four long weeks before we ended up needing the surgery anyway. The hardest part is seeing someone else lose a child. At 25 weeks. 37 weeks. A stillborn. At 4 days old. Thinking “that is even harder.” ⠀ ⠀ The hardest part is now, kneeling at the foot of the cross every day. Offering up the fears and holding them up to truth. Surrendering my timeline and ideal age gaps and my plan and accepting His with a joyful heart. ⠀ ⠀ Every part about losing a child-at any phase, any time-is the hardest part. But what a friend we have in Jesus. The hope of seeing these babies again soon and the hope of experiencing Him in the meantime-it’s a gift I wouldn’t trade 💛
  • A little peek into our day at Magnolia is up on the blog today. Anyone else out there remember the days when the most exciting things in Waco were the bears on campus? 🙋🏽‍♀️ It’s always such a joy to see what this town has become!! (also, K’s calves.)
  • I pray this nearly 100 year old hymn we’ve all sung countless times will bless someone the way it blessed me today. Hope in every word. Freedom in every line.
  • “but let it be [the inner beauty of] the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, [one that is calm and self-controlled, not overanxious, but serene and spiritually mature] which is very precious in the sight of God.”⠀ ‭‭⠀ I memorized 1 Peter 3:4 in the amplified this summer because it reminds me of my crutches. My small crutch of being a 6 on the Enneagram which makes me prone to stress and anxiety, my larger crutch of Hashimoto’s which causes extreme fatigue and mood swings, my enormous crutch of motherhood in each of its stages. ⠀ ⠀ I know the God who created me exactly as I am wouldn’t trick me, calling me to act in a way that my character traits and circumstances make impossible. On hard days like today, full of too many dishes, homeschool chaos and ugly attitudes (mine worse than my toddlers), I’m back here working on that gentle and peaceful spirit.
  • If you need me, I’ll be wrecked for the rest of the day thanks to Kanye. I don’t listen to music, really. Unless it’s old and clean or worship you can guarantee I don’t know the song. This morning, however, my sister played something that hit me hard. I sat there stretching and couldn’t stop the tears. ⠀ I’m already well aware of the call to teach this sweet girl about purity. The weight of it. The responsibility given to me and O in framing his mindset and hers to mirror the Word. How to respect their bodies and the bodies of others. How to avoid the screaming temptation and lies of the world and let Truth speak louder. To do it differently than we did when we were young. ⠀ ⠀ To be more like Christ and less like me in high school, storming back upstairs when my dad said my skirt was too short, my top too low. Needing to be validated by eyes and words. Packing the skirt in my bag and changing when I got there. ⠀ ⠀ Purity has been heavy on my heart since I met O and is even heavier now that I have a daughter of my own. I’m so overwhelmed with gratitude for His mercy and His grace. I don’t need to fear “karma.” I don’t need to fear the teenage years. I need only put my hope in Him to do the work in their hearts the way only He can. ⠀ ⠀ In the meantime, don’t you grow up in a hurry.
  • Today is my dad’s 60th birthday. The funny thing is, many people are surprised when they meet him. Lots of people think they know him or know what he’s like because they grew up watching him play or coach. They say “wow! Your dad is Mike Singletary? What is THAT like? That must have been INTENSE.”⠀ ⠀ And it was. To say growing up with Mike Singletary as a dad must have intense is an accurate statement. But it was so much more. Sure, it was running miles and hitting dummies and bear crawling around the basement for disrespecting our siblings or our mom. It was waking up to a white board full of to do lists before we could eat breakfast on weekends and memorizing, writing and re-writing our “family creed.” It was galas, events and etiquette class. ⠀ ⠀ But intense is only one of many words that sum up a childhood with Mike Singletary. It was rotating one-on-one trips between 7 kids so we didn’t go too long without intentional time (I got to go to Hawaii with him and he stayed up all night with me, praying for me and giving me tiny sips of Coke while I had a stomachache.) It was dance parties to Michael Jackson and The Four Tops while cleaning the kitchen. It was Scattergories and old westerns, late evening walks and early morning prayer. It was lots of plane rides, lots of hard work, and lots (I mean lots) of football. ⠀ My dad has enriched the life of every single person around him. I’m so grateful for the gift I’ve been given in being his daughter. Happy Birthday, Papa Bear.
  • Sometimes you need to hop in the car and drive two hours down to Magnolia on a Monday🌿

My life journey

Jill Kathryn Atogwe

Hi I'm Jill!

I am a wife, a mother, a sister and a friend in pursuit of creating a beautiful life for everyone I love and remembering to change the laundry load.

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