Does anyone else have a “junk email?” The email you had before you got your shiny, professional gmail address that you use for every online purchase and email opt in? I do. I rarely ever sign in there, but the other day I did. And while digging for a Gap Kids receipt, I saw my pregnancy update. “You are 26 weeks pregnant!” Nope. I’m not.
I went to visit my midwives today. It was time to face the appointment I’d slyly pushed back week after week. I don’t feel sad most days, I really don’t. But I knew these walls would stir it all up and what I want to hide would seep out in a mess I couldn’t clean up fast enough.
I had read a few places that naming the baby you’ve lost after miscarriage helps with the finality of it all. It is said to give a sense of identity to this little life that left as quickly as it came, but left an imprint you’ll never remove. I couldn’t decide if this was doing more harm than good, but we settled on “good” winning out and started the name hunt.