In the past nearly four months since my re-brand, I’ve made reaching my work goals non-negotiable. I’ve stuck to the three times a week posting schedule, worked every spare hour to create meaningful content and found inspiration around every single corner to better this space.

I’ve never been pulled in more directions and never had more on my plate, but it’s so fulfilling! And so rewarding! But fulfillment in “work” alone comes at a cost. It has cost me my patience with my kids, my presence in the moment, my peace of mind, my health, my focus, my energy, my joy.

You know how people say to choose a “Top Five” in life? Your top five passions and priorities you want to devote yourself to? Well. I’m learning how rare it is for those five things we want to spend our time on to line up with where we actually devote our time.

1. Intentional time spent with the Lord

2. Pursuing and serving my husband

3. Teaching and loving my littles

4. Cultivating the passions put on my heart

5. Being the best steward of what has been given to me- from my body to my finances to my time

Behold. My five. In my dream world, the minutes in my day would speak these for me. The past four months, though, would call me a liar. Upon quick inspection, you would too.

Simply put, I’m currently dropping nearly every ball that matters to me.

A subtle shift happened before I even realized and suddenly I was thinking of ways to better serve my readers more than ways I could better serve my toddler. My mind was preoccupied all hours of the day and night with content and products and to-do lists instead of being fully present for the people in my arms and not the people on my screen. Four months in and I still have so, so much to learn.

It’s tempting to pour your heart into something with tangible praise, affirmation and progress rather than the everyday routines of serving in the exact same role to the exact same people. I might have the most grateful and affirming husband and toddler on the planet, but they’re easily drowned out by the hunt for praise from “followers” and affirmations from strangers.

I just wanted to shed some light on this real-time learning process that is “work-life balance.” Also known as “balanced motherhood.” I want to be held accountable to this fact: if everyone else thinks I’m doing a great job but my own family suffers, it’s not worth it. I need to keep that at the forefront of my mind each and every day.

As we head into the end of the year, I’m so grateful to have had this revelation and perspective. I’m so thankful for the subtle whispers of the Spirit, letting us know when we’ve lost our way and so mercifully guiding us back on the path. I share the snuggly family moments, the plate of vegan cookies and the effortless sweater-dress but, I also need to share the struggle in the learning process and the grace of our God.

 If you’re in the same boat as me, how do you plan on prioritizing your top 5? If you’ve been in this season in the past and have already course corrected, I’d love your advice! Here’s to a fantastic first week of the last month of the year.