I am a journal keeper. I have journaled nearly every day for the past eight years, allowing me to step fully into a place and time in my past through my own words. These journals are for myself and The Lord and I am so grateful that on sleepy nights and rushed mornings, I still took time to put pen to paper. To remember.
These journals have gifted me with many things, but one of the greatest joys I claim through these books is gratitude. Reading words of heartache and loneliness, sifting through paragraphs of isolation and disobedience, I can truly see the story God is writing in my life. The equation has been proven over and over again in those journals: I diligently seek Him in prayer — He is faithful. Wherever there was darkness, light was only a few pages away.
So when I’m feeling lost or lonely, if ever I begin to wonder what my place is in this world, I can look back and remember that I serve a God who answers prayer. My life is a result of prayers prayed over me and through me. The answer may not always be what I wanted to hear, but it is always for my good and His glory.
Last night, this baby inside my womb nudged and tumbled through the better part of the sleeping hours. I was kept awake by the ever increasing pain and pressure of growing a child that only has eight more weeks of cooking to do. I’m carrying the child that I prayed for.
My husband wakes up with me in the night, my tossing and turning like an alarm clock for his protective heart. He massages my back and prays over me, waits for me to return from bathroom trips to tuck me back in and encourages me to breathe out the stress and breathe in peace. Every night, I get to sleep with the husband I prayed for.
We’ll eat Thanksgiving dinner with the Pastor we prayed for, surrounded by the friends we prayed for. We’ll watch the game that have my husband the career we prayed for and Skype with the loved ones we prayed for. Tonight, I’ll return to the home I prayed for and thank The Lord for the life I prayed for.
And I’ll wake up in the morning, pull out my pen, and write in my journal so I never forget that 2014 brought everything I dreamed of, and more than I prayed for.