This wasn’t the post I had scheduled for today. In fact, it’s 8:48pm and I’ve just started writing. It’s one of those times where I have so much to say but I know the time is tender and the words need to be few. Let’s talk about marriage.
O is nine years older than me and I got married at twenty-one years old. I’ve been told for as long as I can remember that I was “wise beyond my years” and “mature for my age,” but you can’t enter marriage with your bonus points and compliments and have them count for anything. Whether you get married at 20 or 65, oneness will be brand new. And it will take work. It will take commitment. But most of all, it takes a choice.
It is a choice to say goodbye and I love you to your spouse every time you leave the house, even when you are in the musty heat of a disagreement and you want your silence to say more than a proper goodbye could.
It is a choice to keep the promise you made on your honeymoon to never ever sleep in separate rooms, even if that means you’re literally sleeping on the seam of the edge of the mattress and your heart is pounding in frustration.
It is a choice to ask for forgiveness when your spouse has been offended, even if you feel offended and want to shout from the rooftops that you weren’t wrong.
It is a choice to pray for them instead of talk badly about them.
It is a choice to put their feelings and needs ahead of your own.
(…it is a choice to repent for your selfishness when you mess up on that one).
It’s 9:13pm now. And tonight, this simple reflection is heavy on my heart; we walk in the fullness of our oneness when we both decide, despite any feeling or circumstance, to remember our choices and choose them again.
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Jill, i love your heart. Yes to this. I am 24 and my husband and I were 22 when we got married. It always irked me when people commented how young we were choosing to get married, but I always said that it’s new and an experience no matter what age a couple chooses to marry at. It still requires the same effort and choice and intention. We’re 24 and were the first of our friends to get married, and now are the first to have a baby, and I hope we can encourage our friends. We are so completely full of gladness in our decision and continue to work so hard for each other and to pursue each other. Because, marriage.
Thanks for this. It made me reflect today.
1000x Amen. You’re so right about it being a choice over and over and over. So hard but so good. We’re coming up on EIGHT years which blows my mind. We recently went through some hard choosing each other and now for lack of a better image it’s like we had a marriage enema! Everything is fresh and bright and yet there is depth because of our time together. Marriage is a wild and wonderful ride. This post is so simple yet profound and made me tear up a bit!