One Month In

Our sweet boy is one month old. I’m not a person who finds every month to be monumental, but arriving at four weeks is truly something to celebrate. Something to marvel at. Something that in those first few hazy days seems to be a lifetime away.

There were sleepless nights, as promised. There were nights I talked to the pediatrician more than I talked to the Lord. Nights I spent the hours he was asleep watching to see that his chest rose and fell with every breath. Nights where my confidence was shattered and patience tested. He lost his voice screaming through his first bath (the water was too warm). He wet his whole outfit every time he peed (his diapers were too small). He broke out in a rash nearly every time he ate (I needed to give up dairy) and yet somehow, with all of our shortcomings, he is still ours. He still reaches his teeny arms and giant hands up for us to rescue him, still trusts that I will always feed him and hold him until he’s resting peacefully enough to move, and still believes that daddy will sing him to sleep no matter how long it takes.

Nights are made of whispers and white noise, tip toeing and soft singing. As we kneel down next to his bed at night, praising and seeking and offering him up over and over again, I’m reminded that I can no longer make it through the day on my strength alone. This past month has allowed me to live in the absolute truth that “His mercy is new every morning” and I need every last drop of it to be the wife and mother I was created to be.

I can see his face changing and my heart feels heavy in my chest when I see how much bigger he looks in my hands already. This is the child we prayed for, the boy God set aside for us, and I have never felt more joy in all my years. He is everything I dreamed he’d be. We love you with all we have, sweet Ollie boy. Thank you for changing our world and completing our little family.

My birth story is proving to be the most special and challenging thing I’ve ever written, but I wanted to share some of the moments my sister Jackie captured during labor. I’m so blessed to have had her there with us welcoming this boy into the world. I can no longer remember the pain or exactly what each phase of labor feels like- I only see the magic of it all. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.